I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
