All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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