FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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