No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
