Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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