Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
