Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
