i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
