I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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