I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
