'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
