Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
