sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
