why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
