We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
