Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Farmville is her only friend.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
