remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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