so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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