Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
