whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
