No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
