i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
