You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
