Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
