remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
