Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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