i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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