my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
