I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
