I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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