either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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