Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
