my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
