I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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