I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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