i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The ass gains better be worth it
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