There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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