How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
