Can i not drive my cunt home
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
