Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
