i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
