so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
