Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
