Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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