bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
