And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
dude. I can hear the air.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
