Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
A bitchslap is in order.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
