i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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