Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
