Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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