He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
